Your Chance To Win Derek Landy's Shoes!!!

Now that I've gotten your attention... http://readthismortals.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/ideas-are-taking-over.html?showComment=1347081151946&m=1

The Day I Met Derek

Yes, Derek Landy, author of Skulduggery Pleasant, came to Adelaide. And I think I freaked him out a little bit.

Me, my mum and my brother got to Rundle Mall early. Two hours early. In the car, I had a bag of seven books and a bag with a skull, a rock and a banana with a ribbon on it. I was planning to give Derek the banana as a present, for I am the Banana Lord. While in the car, I mentioned that it felt like I was going on holiday. My dad told me later that the reason would be that I was carrying so much. I had even packed the night before. So we arrived at the mall, and we got a spot at the front of the line (at the time there was no line)! So Mum stayed there in front of the Grand Desk that Derek would be sitting at, and accidentally took a picture of the Grand Chair... I had a picture taken of me next to a Skulduggery, but unfortunately you won't be seeing that. My brother and I went upstairs and my brother looked at comics...So I went back down the escalator to find that there was someone waiting behind my mum. And so they come, one by one, I thought randomly. I killed time by going to the food court with my brother and getting a hot drink and spotting immobile owls and trying to work out how to get internet from McDonald's. We went back to Dymocks, wandered outside, and then my Friend came. That's what I'm calling them. Brother and Friend. So Friend came with two books for Derek to sign, and there was me, with nine things for Derek to sign... There were the beginnings of a line, which Friend joined, and then she bought books... and Brother and I wandered outside again, soon to be accompanied by Friend, and we tried to figure out which way Derek would be coming from. Friend thought he would come in a Limo, Brother thought he would come in a Bentley, and I was just flitting from right to left, and the queue was lengthening...people were lining up around the side of the shop, and if I had just called out "HELLBOY! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" then I would've met Hellboy! Darn. Then Mum told me to stay in my spot and don't move, and even as people started to say, "He's here!" I could not move from my spot at the front of the line. And then he came into the shop, and I kind of thrust my arm up into the air and shouted "Hi Derek!" which embarrassed my family a great deal. He sat down at his desk, and I said "I'm Eve from your blog!" and he said "Eve the ROCK!" Victory! My celebrity idol remembers me! I made a fangirl fool of myself when I couldn't stop giggling and apparently I was shouting everything I said and my hands were shaking. I gave him my books, then my skull, then my ROCK, then he said "Eve, you are an oddball" and straight away I gave him the banana. He said, "You shouldn't have!" and at one point he said that I've finally met him and I wasn't saying anything, so I told him how much I loved his books, and that I'd read the series five times, and my mum said "You're her Justin Bieber" and he held out his fist and we did the fist thing. I passed on messages from Bloglandians and he laughed at them all. The lady next to him was called Eve. Then I took a picture with him as you will see below and he shook my hand and then he hugged me and said "I'll see you online" and Mum said "You'll be seeing her a lot sooner than that!" And so I left, and Friend asked me about it and stuff, and I was really hyperventilating, because the guy next to her was looking at me like, "You're crazy. He must be really awesome." and I thought it was Hellboy but he didn't say anything and then we were walking away from Dymocks. I was still giggling, and I almost nearly was close to shedding a tiny tear. I imagine this is what meeting One Direction would be like for some of you.   

My Kingdom Of The Wicked book. He signed six other books, but this was the only one with "To Eve" on it

Heehee!

As you know, I am Eve the ROCK, so that's pretty much equivalent to him signing my head.

It says "2012" on it. Woohoo!

After that, we went home, had lunch, and I took pictures that my friend and Anonymous Artist drew so Derek could sign them at the event. I was very lucky to be going to this event, actually. Brother 2 came along, and we were one of the first there, and we sat in the front row, me right next to the projector, and Derek came and he gave me a look as he walked past. Like, "Ah, it's you again". He is so much funnier than I thought he was, and that is saying something. When it came around to questions, he told everyone to stay away from the Twilight series and when he asked who likes Twilight I was the only one to put my hand up. I actually just lifted my finger up a bit, but he saw. And the lecture began. I know Bella is a stupid idea for a character, okay? Just because a book or movie or game is stupid doesn't mean I can't enjoy it! But Derek was really funny when he compared Edward/Bella to Caelan/Valkyrie. Hopefully I can show you the video, so check for updates on this post.
He answered a question I asked, yay, and then I got in line to get the pictures signed. I wasn't at the front this time, but I got them all signed, and all I said was "Sign here, here, and here." and while he was signing, he said "You can speak, dear" and I just laughed and then we went home. I got my picture with Derek framed, yay! And I'm going to blab about everything all over again when I go to school on Monday.



Eve, 11:32pm, Saturday 18th of August, 2012

I'm just going to be throwing chunks of writing at you, okay? Also, Spiderman rocks.

This was supposed to be a story for a writing competition, but I've barely started it and I'm not going to finish it in a month, or at all. So here you go.

 *throws chunk of writing at screen*   

She was standing on a cliff. The sea was crashing violently beneath her. Kerilyn guessed she should have heard it above all else, but she was too fixated on the powerful energy emanating from the massive moon in the dark night sky ahead. It was a sphere of mesmerising white light and beauty, so captivating and magnetic that Kerilyn almost felt herself being pulled towards it. 
 "It's pretty, isn't it?" she said. She was speaking to no one in particular, as she was alone, but was in no way surprised when a voice answered her.
 "It is." 
Those two words, the most simple reply that could possibly be uttered, it would mean nothing but the vague notion that one is being agreed with, to anyone who wasn't Kerilyn. But when Kerilyn heard that voice, that voice that was a rare and lovely gift, she was overwhelmed with adoration and love. He was an unreadable mind, too unique to see through, but that didn't change anything. Kerilyn wouldn't settle for any life other than one with him. Now HE was the magnet. Now she was being pulled toward HIM. Her heart was almost his, she was a second away from giving it to him.  
But then his fingers grew claws, and he tore her heart from her body.

 And you've probably heard way too much about Spiderman or Andrew Garfield from me, but I am really obsessed with Spidey right now. The older AND newer version. Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can.... :)

       

I haven't abandoned my blog. Just so we're clear.

Have you heard the good news?! Derek Landy is coming to Adelaide, Australia! I will finally get to meet my author idol,and get him to sign stuff for me! Derek told me (he actually spoke to me!) that he would sign anything unless the event was too busy, but I'm not sure if that will be a problem in Adelaide, as I've only met one Adelaidians who comments on Derek's blog, and there are only a handful of people I know who have even read one of the books (and only two I've told about the tour, I'm so evil), but hey, it's a wide world, no matter what the people who like to recite popular sayings tell you. For all I know, every second person is a Skulduggery Pleasant fanatic and the place is going to be PACKED. Wherever that place might be...

I was thinking of bringing Mortal Coil for Derek to sign, as it is my favourite book in the series, but I might also bring Death Bringer, since it's the only Skulduggery book I 'own' (but really, what is this 'owning' thing? We should all learn to share. Plus, those books are rightfully MINE. My younger brother hasn't even read Mortal Coil, so how can he claim it as his own? It's mine. MINE! *outrageous cackling*), but what else to bring? Maybe a t shirt? I was thinking of that, but what about when I grow out of it? I can no longer show off. I don't have any notebooks that are mine alone, so that's out. Maybe a... A pair of socks? (clean socks, of course, don't be so immature) I mean, of someone is about to get a kick in the face from me, for whatever reason, I think it would be much more effective if the last thing they see before stars is Derek Landy's signature. Like, "HA HA! Derek signed my socks! IN YOUR FACE! LITERALLY! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

  But I don't know. What do you think I should bring?

It would be great to meet Derek at last, he's responded to my questions, said hi to me a couple of times, and I read his blog posts, and he really is as funny and amazing and interesting as his books are. I truly admire him as an author and as a person, and I really want to meet him. Because frankly, I AM SO OBSESSED WITH SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT AND MEETING THE AUTHOR WOULD BE AWESOME!!!!



There. I realise I haven't been posting an awful lot, do I'm going to just blog about everything that happens. :)

I wonder if I'll actually be able to keep that up...




I'm such an angel,

Eve.

Ev'rybody loves Druciiiiiilla

Yeah, here's some food for your brain. Read this.

When I walked into the ice cave, the girl seemed too preoccupied with the water dripping steadily from the ceiling of the cave to notice me. Or the cold. She wasn't all wrapped up like I was. A sleeveless top and shorts, both a faint pastel green. Not one shiver down her spine, not one goosebump on her pale skin. Her grey eyes darted up and down, as swift as the water droplets she was examining. If what I'd heard was true, her enhanced eyesight was sharp enough to enable her to see every little colour that bounced off that little water droplet that fell to the floor in less than a second... Amazing. I could see why my boss asked specifically for this girl, this Drucilla Nox, with her beyond exceptional eyesight and her...astonishing ability to ignore me...
I stood there, unsure of what to do. I decided to sit down next to her, maybe she'd take notice of me then, but as soon as I sat, I knew there was a good chance I'd freeze myself to the ice floor. I gasped with the shock of the cold, but managed to keep myself on the ground. If she could stand this, I could.
I tried to keep my mind off the cold by watching the water droplets, like Drucilla was doing, but all I could see was a speck of liquid falling in and out of sight. I turned my head to look at how she was doing it. Her clever eyes were following the droplets all the way down to the floor.
"Is it like slow motion for you?" I asked her.
"Almost," was all she said. So she wasn't ignoring me after all. I was suddenly extremely thirsty.
"Uh..." I started to speak, until I realised I didn't know what to say to this girl. I'd only just met her, but already I knew she was a difficult person to talk to.
My eyes flickered toward her, and I felt an overwhelming urge to move away from her. She was looking at me with wide, emotionless eyes, her expression devoid of feeling. She was just staring at me, not fascinated, not expecting, not scared, not anything. She was just staring at me.
And it was really starting to creep me out.
I stood up, stepped back, cleared my throat. "Erm. I'm Roch River and...my boss wants to hire you... Hire you for...for an expedition. To find these valuable...gems. Minerals. I don't know, but he thinks you can help him -   US - find them." My boss hadn't told me much.
I waited for a response. 
Drucilla remained silent.
Time passed, until she got bored, maybe, and started watching her own breath form icy clouds in the air. I wasn't angry. I couldn't be. This girl was in an ice cave, for heaven's sake. She couldn't be fully aware of what I was saying, she was... Drucilla Nox. The girl that my boss wanted on his team, the girl I was sent to retrieve. Not even that I could do. But  I could at least try one more time and THEN give up.
"Do you accept?" Hopefully I actually said that, not just thought it.
Drucilla once again fixed her wide grey eyes on me and gave a simple,
"Yes, okay then."

*sighs* Please oh please oh please comment on this and tell me what you think.

Friday The Thirteenth is TODAY!!! PANIC!! And advice:

DON'T WALK UNDER LADDERS!!!

AVOID ALL BLACK CATS!!!

DON'T BE A CLUTZ AROUND MIRRORS!!!

Blogging When I Want To is Suddenly Epic

*points upwards*

Colours

Okay, now DO NOT under any circumstances throw dead tomatoes at me. I won't appreciate it. I'm not a poet, but neither am I motivated enough to write a whole freaking story. Sorry, Mist. Anyway, here's a poem-diddly. Like or leave.

Colours

Blue.

An endless sheet of sky is dotted with birds and laced with wispy clouds. It watches us from above, yet it doesn't look down on us, and our mistakes.

Yellow.

Inequality is sometimes for the best. We dare not look at the sun for too long a while, or our weak eyes will burn, yet the sun is always glaring or smiling down on us, beating down on us or comforting us with its warmth, when no human can.

Red. 

The colour of love, blood, and burning. Is it merely coincidental that love shares a colour with pain?

Green.

Green means two things to me; Jealousy, and nature. If you think about it, the two could be the same thing.

White.

Clouds. Marshmallows. Snow. Vanilla ice cream.
Peace. 
Bliss.
Nothingness.

Black.

Darkness. Shadows. Spiders. 
The fur of a wolf.
The center of the eye.
Darkness.
Night.
Sleep.
Safe.

Colours.

How can we interpret the world around us without colours? How can we explain each other without colours? How can we discover ourselves without colours? At the core of our souls, we can find all of these colours, and colours that we didn't even know existed. What makes us unique is which colours we decide to make prominent.

Don't blame me, I didn't create this font.

Random Acts of.... Randomness.

By unpopular demand, I have been forced to post another, er, post. I have no idea what to post about, so I'll just show you some pictures of my doggy.

Yes, he is adorable.

And now, to show off my lovely sundancers:

And now, maths and more.

The Deepest Poem I Have Ever Written

This one came right from the heart. Everyone who knows me, read this. I... I want you to know how I truly feel at times.


I turned my head to face the one thing I truly longed for.

He turned to me. I was left speechless. I looked deep into the black of his eyes, and I knew he was looking into mine.
Everything slowed down.
He moved closer.
I could see that he was nervous.
I wasn't.
I was certain that this was what I wanted.
The wait was over.
He moved closer.
I moved closer.
I could feel my head moving forward, until I was so close I could kiss him.
But I didn't.
I ate the live chicken.

Nix and Mist

I've never done this before, but instead of giving you a story, I'm telling you about one. It's not mine, it was, or rather, IS, written by Nixion Strange and Zathract Mist. The stories are called Nix and Mist, there are two of them, and they are about, you guessed it, Nix and Mist. And other characters. Including my characters, Mahogany Reen and Drucilla Nox! With my characters in it, it is undoubtedly brilliant. No, seriously, it's really awesome. You HAVE to read it. Because if you don't...

Look closely at the picture. No, closer than that.

It's a sign, man, I'm telling you.

I'm tired and delirious, take pity on me.

I vote for China to replace Madame Mist as an Elder. I have a vote from Skulduggery, who else is with me? Aye or nay.

Five senses? Are you sure?

This is a question I have found no answer to. I read the Skulduggery books over and over, and I still haven't found the answer. So here's the question:

Can Skulduggery smell things?

Oh, come now, I'm sure that question has popped into your head before. I mean, he can see he can hear, he can feel pain, so what says he can't smell things? The problem is, though, nothing says he CAN smell. Please help me out here, guys.

The Cruelly Ridiculous Death of China Sorrows

Okay. This is not mine. This was someone else's story. He was actually the one who introduced me to Skulduggery Pleasant, bless his soul, but I've been having a bit of trouble trying to get him to stay with it. He's been observing me as I ramble on about what might happen in book seven, and especially what will happen to China, my favourite character besides the obvious, and, just to torture me some more, he's come up with this ludicrous idea that China will get killed by a forest troll, pixies, and poisonous berries. Every time I try to talk to him about anything to do with Skulduggery Pleasant, he somehow manages to get us both arguing about why China will or will not get killed that way, if she gets killed at all. So I decided to write him a tiny little story of his idea of what China's death will be like so he would see how ridiculous it is and give up on the whole argument. I thought I had written it well, until he read through it and decided, no, that's not what he wanted, so he deleted sentences and added statements and replaced adjectives until, finally, he had what he thought would make the story better. It actually just made it even sillier. This was too funny to be abandoned, so I want you to read it. I think you can figure out what text belonged him, and what was my writing.

  China sprinted through the forest, her ravioli hair in her face. She found it annoying so she ripped it off and ate it to save the forest troll the pleasure of the sweet sweet pasta. She stumbled and tripped and landed on her face. *Original Author's Note (Eve): despite the scene in Death Bringer, when it mentions that China was too graceful to even stumble in the woods in high heels, this guy insisted on China tripping over her own feet. Truly, I am sorry for this despicable misleading of China's characteristics*

  They were after her. The pixies and the forest troll. How could she have been so stupid to eat those poisonous berries? How could she have not known? It was all a trap. The forest troll caught up and stomped on her and ate her. She died.

This will never happen, I said. Of course it will, he said. Where do you get this confidence from, you're hardly a fan, I said. Oh, and don't write raven hair, he said. Ravioli is a much better description.

Wouldn't it be so funny if everyone came up with their own crazy description of how China dies? I don't know why I would find it funny if she died, it just seems so crazy. Perfect. I hope this didn't offend you, Derek Landy.

Please tell me what you think of this, I think I can convince him he's wrong. Unless you support the idea...?

The Delaying Tactic

Okay, so this is another of my Skulduggery World short stories (that's what I'm calling them now). It's about another character I made up, Mahogany Reen, and personally, she's one of my favourites. I hope you like this one, please comment, please react, and please follow.

 Mahogany Reen looked her enemy in the eye and said, “We meet again... uh... Sorry, I never got your name. It was Sonny something, right?”
The woman glared. “You’re a moron.”
“You flatterer.”
“When I take over the world” the sorcerer said. “You’ll be the first to die. The first to burn.”
“Sorry, sweetie, that’s not going to happen. Many people, much more experienced than you – no offense – have tried to take over the world or even end it, and do you know what happened to them?”
The woman said nothing.
Mahogany leaned in, like it was a secret, mocking. Her voice was no more than a breath. “They died.”
The woman laughed. “You act like I’m the child.”
Mahogany heard a car slowing down then stopping in front in front of the house they were in. “Define ‘child’. I may be eternally young“- she flipped her brown hair – “but I’m not that young. Must be something about my maturity or something, right? Lots of people have been complaining about that.”
“That’s what I hate about you ‘good guys’” the woman said. “You think that no matter how much you mock, and make snarky remarks, everything’s going to work itself out in the end. It’s time to open up your pretty green eyes, little girl. The world is about to change. There will be a time when the worthy will reach their full potential and the weak will perish below them. That time is nearing, girlie. And this time, luck is not on your side.” She sneered.
Mahogany stepped back, emotionally wounded. “You! You foul-minded, cruel-hearted, despicable beast! I have blue eyes!”
The woman glared, but before she could respond further, the door swung open, and Sanctuary agents came storming in before Mahogany had time to get away.
“Miss Reen” one of them said. “So you’ve considered our offer?”
Mahogany kept her scowl to herself. “I’m not joining you and your team, sir. I’m still on that no-violence diet, as you keep calling it...”
The agent laughed. “Ah, yes. When did you stop all the punching again?”
“I never started.”
“Mm. Thank you for delaying this woman. We are grateful, but we are perfectly capable of capturing a criminal without help, thank you very much.”
She nodded in response, and heard the woman behind her being shackled.
The man hesitated, then said, “This is a dangerous world we live in, Miss Reen. Something is coming, and when it arrives, you’re going to have to be ready.”
Mahogany said nothing.

Please do something to let me know you liked this one, if indeed you did.

Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? No, it's a car.

You can only guess where I've been.

The Misadventures of Evelyn Reed

Another character I made up. I did NOT base this person on me. I just love my name and extensions of my name. I love me. Please comment on this.

Chapter 1 – A Willing Companion

  She was determined. She was prepared. She was organised. She was powerful. Well, she wasn’t that powerful. But for someone like Evelyn Reed, you didn’t need power if you had the three Ations. That’s Determination, Preparation and Organisation. And Evelyn had all three. The only thing she didn’t have was a willing companion.

  She’d had many before, all eager to travel the world with her, hunting monsters big and small. But as her adventures turned into disasters, the sorcerers of Australia began to realise what was happening when Evelyn returned home without anyone beside her.

  This time, Evelyn was hunting vampires. Not a very easy feat, she knew, but if she were to wipe out the whole existence of vampires, then no one would be bothered by those evil creatures again, and Evelyn Reed would be a hero.

  But now, since everyone who had heard of her knew much better than to join her in her travels, Evelyn had to be a little cleverer when it came to finding a companion. So when Evelyn arrived at Eyre’s Rock, and saw the man racing around the giant red rock, she knew she had come to the right place.

  She proceeded to wave to the man, and when he came around again and saw her, he ran over, unnaturally quickly. She started to wonder if he was a vampire himself.

  But no, he smiled when he stopped in front of her, and vampires didn’t smile a lot, Evelyn figured.  The man was sunburnt all over, wearing a tank top and shorts, and a rather battered pair of sneakers – no socks. His sandy hair was flattened with sweat, and he looked like he was up to any challenge set before him. Perfect, Evelyn thought.

  “Got any water?” he asked. “I’m parched.”

  She tossed him a water bottle, and watched him as he took a large gulp, then poured the rest over his head. She didn’t speak, she just clawed at her arm; it had been itching for days.

  “Mozzies gettin’ at you, huh?” He laughed when she said nothing. “They try and take my blood, but I’m way too fast for those suckers.”

  Evelyn thought it best to start talking. “You’re a sorcerer, right?”

  The man snorted. “I’m no Sanctuary agent.”

  She paused, then smiled patiently. “But you do have magic, yes? I don’t know anyone who can run that fast. Well, besides vampires, which is what I wanted to talk to you about...?”

  The man shook his head. “Sorry, lady, I don’t do vampires, but I have a little brother, and he really needs to get out these days.” He looked at her, then added, “Don’t worry; he’s almost as fast as me. I’ll be back in a jiffy. Name’s Swift, by the way.”

  Evelyn watched Swift run off until she couldn’t see him anymore, then she sat on the hot ground and waited. A while later, she glanced at her watch, then remembered it was broken, so she applied sunscreen to her burning limbs and waited a little longer. Ants were starting to find their way into the bag she had brought with her. Finally, Swift returned with a boy.

  “Hey, sorry I took so long. Little Jimmy wasn’t too keen on coming back over here.” He grinned.

  “Hello Jimmy” she said, a little doubtfully. If she hadn’t been told, she would never have guessed that the two were related. The boy had neat, dark hair and his skin wasn’t tanned or sunburnt at all. The way he was dressed told Evelyn that he definitely wasn’t an outdoorsy kind of person. He didn’t seem to possess any noteworthy muscles whatsoever. But beggars couldn’t be choosers, Evelyn reminded herself.

  “Hello” was all Jimmy said.

  “I hear you’re a fast runner”

  Jimmy nodded.

  “Do you know who I am?”

  “Should I?”

  Evelyn smiled and shook her head. This was a good sign. “My name is Evelyn Reed. I hunt creatures that threaten the lives of others, sorcerer and mortal. But I can’t find anyone to help me in my adventures, so I came here because I heard there was a powerful sorcerer that could come with me.”

  “You’re probably thinking of Swift” he said, and turned to walk away.

  “Oh, but I’m sure they were talking about you. You look like a powerful sorcerer.”

  Jimmy turned back, and looked at her for a while. “Fine” he said at last. “What are we hunting?”

  Evelyn felt a smile appear on her face. “Vampires.”

Chapter 2 – Operation: Vampire

  Evelyn Reed and Jimmy approached the vampire’s house. It was a house, not a coffin, as she kept reminding him, and yet he was still surprised when they found the place. When Evelyn had met up with Jimmy at the bus stop, he had been carrying stakes, holy water, a crucifix and an unlimited supply of garlic. After an exasperatingly long argument about what a vampire’s weakness really was, Evelyn had emerged triumphant, and all that had been discarded at the bus stop.

  So now two shaky hands held a jug of salt water, most of which had spilled out onto the ground, and Evelyn Reed and Jimmy approached the vampire’s house.

  After a thorough check that no one was around, Evelyn knocked on the door. She had Determination, Preparation and Organisation. The three Ations. Jimmy prepared himself, ready to toss the salt water into the vampire’s open mouth, until he realised that there was nothing left in the jug.

  Evelyn and Jimmy exchanged terrified expressions, and proceeded to run like hell.

  Evelyn Reed and Jimmy approached the vampire’s house, this time carrying guns. More specifically, water guns. They were filled with salt water, and the caps on the guns ensured that Jimmy would not be able to spill it with ease.

  Quickly checking that no one was around, Evelyn knocked on the door. The three Ations, she kept reminding herself. The three Ations.

  The door opened, and the vampire opened his mouth, presumably to eat them, and the pair opened fire. Salt water sprayed everywhere. The vampire spluttered and coughed as water shot down his vampiric throat, but other than that, no reaction. The vampire was not dead. Evelyn and Jimmy holstered their guns, and peered at the vampire expectantly. Nothing. Evelyn realised that Jimmy was no longer beside her.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the vampire roared.

  “Uh” Evelyn said. “You’re a vampire”

  The vampire stared at them, a look of furious disbelief on his face, and Evelyn knew she had made a mistake.

  She chewed her lip.

Chapter 3 – Zombified

  “My sword’s heavy” Jimmy whined.

  “My sword’s perfect” Evelyn said lovingly, admiring her newly acquired blade. They had both agreed whole-heartedly that hunting vampires was far too dangerous, and the fact that what they had faced wasn’t even a vampire made the concept of fighting an actual vampire even scarier. So now they were hunting zombies, and the man – she’d never gotten his name – had assured her that the swords he had sold to her were perfect for killing zombies.

  “What are we going to do?” Jimmy asked, hunched over from the weight of his sword.

  “We’re going to run in and slash them all to pieces” Evelyn answered him.

  “Really? That’s our plan?”

  “The three Ations, that’s our plan.”

  “What?”

  Evelyn didn’t answer him. She strode through the forest, her companion dragging his weapon after her. She could see a warm glow coming from ahead, and she got a little closer before hiding behind a tree. It was almost pitch black, a starless night and a new moon, and Evelyn thought she heard Jimmy stumble into a tree.

  “Ooow” he moaned.

  “Shhh” Evelyn peered at the camp from behind the thick trunk. The campfire was still burning, and she spotted a chunk of meat on the ground. Raw meat. Raw human meat. She heard Jimmy whimper. She shot him a look, though she doubted he would see her through the darkness.

  She heard a twig snap, and a moment later, a zombie lumbered into view. And another one. And another one. Soon seven zombies were staggering around the camp, probably searching for more food. Evelyn guessed they had already cleared this place out, and had come back to see if anyone else was here.

  That was Evelyn and Jimmy.

  Evelyn and Jimmy crept around the camp, then darted behind one of the tents. Well, Evelyn darted. Jimmy sort of fell.

  “On the count of three” Evelyn began quietly.

  “Wait” Jimmy puffed. “Let me get my breath back!”

  But it was too late for that. One of the zombies had already seen them.

  They both scrambled to their feet, and Evelyn pointed. “You take those four, I’ll take these three!”

  Jimmy grabbed her arm, petrified. “What? But then I get more!”

  “Well, there was no way we could split it evenly!”

  “But you gave me all the big ones!”

  “But your sword’s bigger!”

  “But my sword’s heavier!”

  “Just go!”

  Jimmy gave her one more horrified look, then ran at one of the zombies she had assigned for him, heaving the sword upwards, but he hadn’t gotten close enough, and the tip of the sword merely nicked the end of the zombie’s nose. The zombies advanced on him.

  Evelyn saw her three zombies coming at her, so she started spinning around in circles, swinging the sword in a wide arc. When all the spinning proved too dizzying for her, she stopped and examined her work. One of the zombies had been ripped to shreds, and she had opened up another’s eye. The third zombie had its arms cut short at the elbows.

  She looked over at Jimmy, but she could hardly see him in all the chaos. He seemed to be running around the zombies, maybe hoping to create a mighty hurricane with his own speed. He could be so naive.

  The zombie with all the blood coming out of its eye charged at her, but Evelyn just stuck the sword through its brain and smiled smugly. Her movements were becoming more confident.

  She was about to go at her remaining opponent, but before she could even raise her weapon, someone came crashing into her. Her sword dropped out of her grip. She pushed her attacker away from her, snatched up her sword, and spun round to face...

  Jimmy.

  “Please help me” he cried. “There are too many of them! I can’t –“

  Before he could say any more, two rotting hands grabbed him from behind, and a set of yellow teeth bit into his shoulder. He screamed and lashed out, but he lashed out the wrong way, and kicked Evelyn in the belly. She stumbled back, dropped her sword again, then stumbled forward and snapped her palm in the zombie’s direction. It went shooting back and collided with all the other zombies.

  She dragged Jimmy through the forest, but she could see that he was dying. When they were well away from the camp, Evelyn dropped Jimmy onto the forest floor, and checked for a pulse.

  He was dead.

  She didn’t cry. She didn’t mourn. This had happened countless times before. It was how she had gotten her terrible reputation. She would take her companion on a marvellous adventure, and it would always end with her companion’s somewhat nauseating death. They had all been good people. Stupid people, granted, but still good. Jimmy was no different. Except that Jimmy had survived his first mission. And he’d kind of survived his second...

  Jimmy opened his eyes and blinked. He sat up against a tree, and Evelyn looked at him for a while, and he looked as though he was about to ask why she was looking at him like that, and then a realisation dawned on him. He cringed.

  “No” he whimpered. “Please don’t.”

  “I have to kill you” she said, an impassive air about her. “You’re a zombie. I hunt zombies. It’s what I do.”

  “But you can always hunt something else. Like, I don’t know, Sea Hags. You wouldn’t persist with the whole zombie thing anyway, not after tonight. Just don’t kill me!”

  “I would be doing everyone a favour.”

  “You wouldn’t be doing me a favour!”

  
“You’re going to eat lots of people if I don’t kill you right here and now.”
   

  “I’ll be a good zombie, I swear!” He looked at her with wide, green eyes, filled with fear, and Evelyn finally gave in.
  
 
  “Fine” was all she said, and with that, she turned around and stalked through the forest.

Again, please comment, or react, or something.

I Am A Part Of A Lot Of Things. Counting - Three

1. The Tiny Winged Vampire Exterminator Brigade (me being the leader)

2. The Straight Jackets (me being the crazy chef)

3. A Collaborative Effort To Meet The Golden God (me being a contributor)

Um, I'm new to that third one, but it seems like people need more people. To join. So, if you're reading this, and you haven't put your name down to join, and you want to meet the Golden God and your head is buzzing with stories, then please go to http://meetthegoldengod.blogspot.com/ and put your email down so you can join and Phoenix'll help set you up to join.

Speaking of joining things, I kindly ask you all to follow my blog, because, frankly, it's the only way I'll know people are taking an interest in my writing, unless you, like, comment, which is another option. I just want to know I'm not boring people to death. Thank you! And thank you Lynxia, Izz and Miles, who are already following!

Complaining

I love complaining. In moderation, of course. Today I am complaining about this blog thing stuffing up. Every time I try and go into Derek Landy's blog, it comes up with a blank page. Not funny. Any other blog is fine, perfect. But Derek's blog isn't being kind to me.

Do you hear that? That is the sound of a Skulduggery Pleasant fan/blog follower crying out for help. Does anyone know how to fix this? Not that anyone will read this, anyway.