Tuesday, 31 January 2012

The Cruelly Ridiculous Death of China Sorrows

Okay. This is not mine. This was someone else's story. He was actually the one who introduced me to Skulduggery Pleasant, bless his soul, but I've been having a bit of trouble trying to get him to stay with it. He's been observing me as I ramble on about what might happen in book seven, and especially what will happen to China, my favourite character besides the obvious, and, just to torture me some more, he's come up with this ludicrous idea that China will get killed by a forest troll, pixies, and poisonous berries. Every time I try to talk to him about anything to do with Skulduggery Pleasant, he somehow manages to get us both arguing about why China will or will not get killed that way, if she gets killed at all. So I decided to write him a tiny little story of his idea of what China's death will be like so he would see how ridiculous it is and give up on the whole argument. I thought I had written it well, until he read through it and decided, no, that's not what he wanted, so he deleted sentences and added statements and replaced adjectives until, finally, he had what he thought would make the story better. It actually just made it even sillier. This was too funny to be abandoned, so I want you to read it. I think you can figure out what text belonged him, and what was my writing.

  China sprinted through the forest, her ravioli hair in her face. She found it annoying so she ripped it off and ate it to save the forest troll the pleasure of the sweet sweet pasta. She stumbled and tripped and landed on her face. *Original Author's Note (Eve): despite the scene in Death Bringer, when it mentions that China was too graceful to even stumble in the woods in high heels, this guy insisted on China tripping over her own feet. Truly, I am sorry for this despicable misleading of China's characteristics*

  They were after her. The pixies and the forest troll. How could she have been so stupid to eat those poisonous berries? How could she have not known? It was all a trap. The forest troll caught up and stomped on her and ate her. She died.

This will never happen, I said. Of course it will, he said. Where do you get this confidence from, you're hardly a fan, I said. Oh, and don't write raven hair, he said. Ravioli is a much better description.
Wouldn't it be so funny if everyone came up with their own crazy description of how China dies? I don't know why I would find it funny if she died, it just seems so crazy. Perfect. I hope this didn't offend you, Derek Landy.
Please tell me what you think of this, I think I can convince him he's wrong. Unless you support the idea...?


Comment and help yourself to the complementary bananas :)